Mocktail Minutes

Shame to Self-Respect

• Mocktail Minutes • Episode 114

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This week we are touching on something that we see with SO many clients! Most people view things that help you get healthier or lose weight as a form of punishment. The reality is, these things should be looked at as a form of self-respect because you deserve to feel good (even great), not something you should feel forced to do because you are ashamed of how you look. Listen as we help you uncover some unknown mindsets that you may be having about healthy habits. 

If you have questions, or topics that you want to hear about, head over to our Instagrams https://www.instagram.com/bayleethedietitian/ or https://www.instagram.com/brianna.dietitian/ and send us a DM! You can also follow the podcast https://www.instagram.com/mocktailminutes/

Featured Mocktails:

Recess 

Ninja Thirsty 

Click play, sip back, and be empowered.

Baylee:

Hello everyone. Welcome back to this week's episode of Mocktail Minutes. This is Bailey

Brianna:

Hi, this is Brianna.

Baylee:

this week I am drinking, use the ninja, thirsty, and did a peach, mango caffeine drink. Not great ingredients, but it's tasty. So you and send Meum.

Brianna:

You. I'm also doing a peach drink. I'm doing the peach ginger recess. It's okay. I don't think I like ginger very much.

Baylee:

I'm not a gender fan either. Even like I tried it when I was pregnant and I was like, I don't think this is helping, because now I just feel even more gross.

Brianna:

Yeah. You know what? Maybe that's why I don't like ginger, because when I was pregnant with Jameson, I was so nauseous and so I take ginger shots, like this little local smoothie place ginger shots every day and they really did help with nausea. But I think now I just get nauseous anytime I think of it.

Baylee:

Mm-hmm.

Brianna:

I must be gross. Gross.

Baylee:

See these ninja drink things, this would be another really good thing that we could collab with them on. I am, I'm going to manifest at some point in my career that I am going to have a collab with Ninja,

Brianna:

Yes. Oh, that would be so good.

Baylee:

Multiple collabs, like the Ninja Crispy is coming out. We need different drink options for the

Brianna:

I saw that. I saw, so I saw this TikTok on the Ninja Crispy, and I was like,

Baylee:

Yeah. The meal prepping. With that, can you imagine

Brianna:

Yes. So yeah, ninja, if you're out there, we would love to collab.

Baylee:

everyone listening today? Please send them an email and tell me I should start actually tagging them when I share.

Brianna:

Yeah. Like who's, who is she? Who is she? That's a good idea. That's what we'll do.

Baylee:

Well, today we are talking about punishments, but we are calling this episode going from shame to self-respect. What we have noticed is people can have a hard time committing to the habits that we're trying to teach because I think it just feels like a constant punishment, like, because I gained all this weight, I have to do this. And it is not really like we become very resistant because it feels like workouts aren't supposed to be fun. Eating healthy equals having salads. My meal sucks. Like all these things are coming up. So of course it's very easy to become resistant to it. And I have these patients that I've been working with for a while and we finally had this big breakthrough and I was like. You can actually enjoy movement. It doesn't have to just be, I have to move so I can lose this weight. And I got a really cool text room that they're on vacation, went and did like a three mile hike

Brianna:

Yay.

Baylee:

like it was fun. I'm like, yes, it can be fun. So we really wanna help you get outta this mindset of this is not punishment.

Brianna:

Yes. Well, and I think that's just because of how we've always, how everybody is when they think of like diets or exercise like. I have to do this, like diets suck. Working out sucks. Everything sucks. It's like this thing you have to do because you need to torture yourself to get like a good outcome. And so anything that could be viewed as like, and I think this is where like the whole body positive thing goes wrong too, because then it's like anything that could get you to a goal is like bad or punishment, you know? When in reality it's like. You can enjoy eating more helpful foods. You can enjoy moving your body. You can enjoy, you know, drinking less alcohol. Like we just look at things as like a punishment because I'm here and I wanna get here, and in order to do that, it needs to suck,

Baylee:

And I think it's because a lot of times when we're starting these habits, we're starting'em at a time where we don't really like ourselves, we don't like something about us. We feel guilt. We feel that shame. So then we have this. Of, oh, I started running because I was trying to lose 10 pounds.

Brianna:

Hmm.

Baylee:

And I want you to know, like you cannot hate yourself into good health

Brianna:

No,

Baylee:

you are

Brianna:

then everybody would be healthy,

Baylee:

exactly like. I mean, I think that's something really good to point out because if these habits are just rooted in this idea of I had started them, I started them because I hated how I looked. I started them because. Had too much fat. I started them because I felt guilty. Then they will always just sit really heavy and weird on you. They will always feel like there's something that you have to do and it's not something you get to do. This is where we get to like the on off cycle. We get to resentment towards the process, so then we start to bel like a constant internal negotiation process. I think a good way to kind of tell some, maybe you're like, I dunno, like is this mean? If you were to go to Mexico for a week and you're like, we are on an all-inclusive resort, think about what would your mindset around food be? Would it be like, I'm gonna enjoy anything and everything and then have dessert at every single meal. I'm on vacation mode. It don't matter if that is your mindset with it. That's probably a good sign that you are doing these things because you feel like you're being punished if that is your automatic thought, like honestly, going into vacation, I don't really even think about vacation mode where it's like, oh, I'm just, it doesn't matter. We're on vacation.

Brianna:

Yeah.

Baylee:

Because it's all just a part of my normal life. So I think that's a really good cue to yourself. Like if that's how you feel like on vacations, on weekends, at birthday parties where it's like, don't matter dumpster fire, it's'cause we're on vacation mode. That's a good sign that you're doing things out of punishment.

Brianna:

Yes. Oh, well, I mean, you hear it all the time, and this is why, like, I don't really tell people what I do unless they ask, but you hear it like, oh, these calories don't count. Or like, Sunday calories don't count. Or like, I'm off tonight, like my diet's. Not happening tonight, or I'm on vacation mode. Like everything's out the window and it's very much like if you and I had, this is what I ask people. If you think of things that happen on or off vacation, you're still in that like, I'm only doing this because of this. Right? Like it's not a lifestyle thing yet. It's not something that you enjoy doing. It's like that way with everything. Like if you are. Feeling. Feeling like you need a whole vacation from your vacation and you gained 15 pounds and you drank more liquor than you have in the past, like eight months. You're going a little bit too hard. It's because those things like aren't your lifestyle yet. And it's all about the mindset. And it really does come down to if you are still viewing this as a push, a punishment, or you're depriving yourself or you're doing this'cause it sucks, you're never gonna win because you will always wanna push back. You will always wanna quit or take a day off or that's why I don't like cheat days.'cause I'm like,

Baylee:

Oh yeah.

Brianna:

you can eat like that however you want. Like you can have whatever food that you're deeming as cheat, you can have it anytime you want, but your cheat day is, I'm having 25 different things and I'm eating it all, and I'm like getting over full and I'm feeling horrible after like, well then you don't have a good relationship yet with any of those foods. Like, you're not, you're not actually doing anything sustainable. So I would say that would be a good place to start is like, what is your mindset around it? Like. Is this something you're choosing to do because you wanna feel better? Or are you choosing to do it'cause you think you need to punish yourself to get an outcome that you haven't gotten yet? Does that make sense?

Baylee:

Hmm. Yeah. No, because you start associating all these things with deprivation. You start also associating with like, you just dreading them where it's either, it's like. I have to do this where it's like, you know what, let's, and I like the idea of just being curious, like what's gonna happen here? Like coming on it from an area of curiosity. Not this, this sucks. I gotta look good in this picture. This sucks. Like I gotta fit in these pants this year, whatever it is, because you are probably going to subconsciously rebel when things get hard. I was also reading so there's a book, I don't know if you've read it before. It's called Healthiest Book. Have you heard that one?

Brianna:

Yes, I've heard of it. I haven't read it.

Baylee:

So they, what is it? They talk about like easy effort versus real effort. And I think this kind of goes along with it because they talk about like easy efforts. Like we're checking the boxes, like we'll go to the gym. We'll, I don't know, like. We'll order the protein. We'll do all these things like we're gonna check the boxes, we're gonna get 30 grams of protein, like doing all the things we recommend, but the change is going to come when you put forward more of the real effort being in, okay, we kind of, we took care of this brain. We talk to ourselves about, okay, maybe I can actually enjoy this walk. Or maybe I keep overeating at night. Because you know what? When I was younger. I missed out on food or I was always told I need to eat less. And so we have that subconscious rebellion come in. So the real effort comes from identifying what your beliefs are. Challenging those, again, reframing them because you have to start owning your choices and realizing that, hey, you're an adult now. You have these choices.

Brianna:

Yeah.

Baylee:

And you get to rewrite your own story. A lot of times these punishments or the feeling of them being punishments are rooted in deep childhood beliefs that we've had. Or maybe it's not like family putting these beliefs on you. It's, but it's like things that you heard growing up

Brianna:

Yeah.

Baylee:

I mean, it's something, I'm sure you think about it, but I al already think about it gann and like, what am I doing to kind of show him. Walks are just normal. Like it's not a weird thing. We go outside all the time and go on walks. We walk down the neighbors, I walked with him to the pool the other day. It's just normal. It's normal for him to get a protein, a fruit, vegetable at every meal. Half of it he doesn't eat. But you know, I try and I would think it's probably even harder for people who have girls.

Brianna:

Probably because you don't wanna, you're trying to establish, and I don't know, but I can imagine you're trying to establish like these healthy, like habits without making it weird. Right? And there's like such a fine line between like making it weird, but I think, you know, really trying to understand. Your mindset and reframing is thinking about like, what's everything that's impacted the way I look at this, right? Like, did I come from a mom who's like, oh, a Kit Kat equals 20 minutes on the treadmill. Like, you know, like things like that. Like there's so many reasons why we have certain mindsets or thoughts around things, and that's where the deprivation mindset like comes from. Also, the fact that we just assume that it should feel easy and good, like. I don't think we, people really understand like you need to do habit change. And in order to make habit change, you have to look forward to it and want it because you're gonna have a better outcome that you're searching for.'cause so many people all the time are like. I wanna feel better. I don't feel good. But then they're doing all these things that it's like, well, you're not feeling good because you're not eating all day and then you're having a bottle of wine at night and then you're going off two hours of sleep and you don't ever see sunshine. And, but then they're not doing those things'cause they want it to feel easy. But the reason why they can't establish something that feels more easy, because all those are viewed as punishments even though they don't feel good where they're at. But then, so then I'm always like, well, why do you feel that way? Like, let's try to figure that out. Because it should not be a punishment to get up and go get 3000 steps.

Baylee:

Yeah. It's not a punishment. It actually feels really good, and I think it is hard because me and you like we've worked at this. For a while we've had unhealthy relationships with movement and eating. I think both of us have kind of gone through that and we've done a lot of healing to get there, and I don't think people necessarily have seen that. They've kind of seen us come out on the other end to now it is our normal, and so it's easy to see them be like, it's so easy for them. Or I mean, after I, I've had Gannon, I get a lot of comments of, oh, you got your bounce back. Like you just, you bounced right back. You didn't have to do anything. I. Honestly, it is a little frustrating because I'm like, give me the credit I deserve, because it's not just luck. Like I did things all throughout my pregnancy. I lifted weights, I walked every day. The day I went into labor, I walked a mile during labor that baby out, not, not to be like, oh, I'm better than you, but

Brianna:

You worked towards it.

Baylee:

yes,

Brianna:

always would've done either.

Baylee:

Like the things I do to feel how I'd feel every day. I mean even to like look how I look, not not out here being like, oh my God, hottest girl in the world, but you know.

Brianna:

I good. You good? Yeah.

Baylee:

But it didn't just come from luck. It, it comes from consistently putting in the effort to move to get sleep. Sometimes I don't get great sleep because you know what? Sometimes we do wanna watch a movie. Sometimes Dan's up, but I prioritize, okay, here's what I can do. Here's what I can prep for a week last night. Not a great dinner planning. I did have a subway sandwich, and that's okay next week. All right, we're doing easy dinner on Tuesdays, so. It's all, it all takes effort and

Brianna:

difference is, and this has really dawned on me probably in like the last two months or so. The difference with all this is. When you wake up the next day not feeling great after not having a good dinner plan or staying up later to watch a movie or all this, you know why you don't feel great and know things you need to do to change it and you look forward to those things like that is, that's the big, like key thing that people need to like. That's what they need to like find is like, I don't feel great because X, Y, Z, and it's not'cause I need to punish myself more. It's, I need to support myself more. I need to look forward to moving my body more. I need to look forward to getting good sleep. Like. I do think people think dieticians, like have it all figured out. But I find dieticians have the most complex relationships with food and movement than anyone else I've ever met. Like we all got into this for some sort of reason, and it's not because we were like, we're perfect. We are gonna tell the world how to do this. Like, no. And I did not come from like a health conscious family who no. my most complicated clients are my family. I don't actually work with them, thank God. But I'm thinking like, dear goodness, and so that's how I know like if I can do it, okay, other people can definitely do it. But it's looking at it as I get to do this, like I respect myself so much. I care about my body and where it's gonna take me that I get to do these things, not. I suck, so I'm just gonna shame myself into doing all these things.'cause then it's not sustainable. Yeah.

Baylee:

like you really just have to figure out where are these thoughts coming from? This is not punishment. Start changing your language from I have to, to, to, like, I choose to do this. I choose to set myself up for the week. I want to feel better tomorrow. And set goals that are rooted and just like, how do you feel Also, not just how you look, but it's also perfectly fine to have aesthetic goals. I mean,

Brianna:

Yeah,

Baylee:

wanna look better naked?

Brianna:

a hundred percent. And I would say just don't let that be your only thing.'cause it's so easy to be like, oh, I don't know if I care about that today, or, I don't know if this one meal is really gonna help, you know? But it's totally fine to wanna change how you look.

Baylee:

absolutely. And I would say recognize your worth now. You don't have to earn the right to take care of yourself after you lose the weight.

Brianna:

Yes,

Baylee:

can just start that and. I find it, I find it interesting because I've had some clients that come to me for weight loss and like, I don't get it because I eat healthy and I feel like people just think I'm lying when I say like, I eat a salad for lunch. And, I feel like that it's, it's a hard thing to get through'cause it's like I am eating the things, but I feel like everyone's judging me that I'm secretly eating Kit Kats all night long. So that can be hard too, where.

Brianna:

I, but I honestly think, and I tell people this, I think 99% of that judgment is then something They're dealing with it themselves.

Baylee:

Yeah, because a lot of times it comes with the idea too of like we watch other people and they're like, oh my gosh, they're so lucky they can eat a cheeseburger. You also can eat a cheeseburger. You also have no idea what else is

Brianna:

What else they're doing?

Baylee:

on.

Brianna:

Or it's like, yeah, you look and you're like, oh my gosh, she's so thin. Like, how is she eating dessert at this restaurant? And then it's like, you can also do that, you know, the dessert. Like you could eat dessert and be thin. You know what I mean? Like that's, that's a thing, but. We do that. And going back to like celebrating yourself now, I think people don't do it because we feel like if I am happy that I am doing something, then that means I'm gonna get content and I'm not gonna try to be better. So we're like worried to celebrate the small wins that we've had because we don't wanna be content, just keep us here. But I think celebrating those wins is what keeps you moving towards the positive direction. Like you can be happy with what you're doing right now, even though this isn't your end goal.

Baylee:

Or sometimes I feel like we don't celebrate them because they don't feel big enough.

Brianna:

yeah,

Baylee:

And so then we like push ourselves to like the burnout, so that way we do get bigger wins. Cool. We lost five pounds this week, but eventually you're gonna be like, crap if you keep, just, if you lose five pounds every week, where that's a little bit maybe too quick for you.

Brianna:

yeah.

Baylee:

So

Brianna:

Well,'cause the odds are you deprived yourself.

Baylee:

yeah, we don't want that.

Brianna:

Yeah, so it's like thinking like I, your challenge this week is to think, you know, everything that you're doing for goals. Like how can you make it in a positive way and look at it as something that you get to do and something you're excited to do and what are all the great outcomes that are gonna come from it? You know, like, not I need to work out'cause I'm fat, but like. I'm excited to work out'cause it's gonna make me feel better in my body. It's gonna make me feel stronger, it's gonna give me more energy. You know, like start thinking about all the reasons why you're excited to make changes, because that's what's gonna make it sustainable.

Baylee:

Yes, start coming from them as a place of, I'm restoring, replenishing my body and not a place of, I have to deprive my body of this to get a different body.

Brianna:

It doesn't work. You guys, if deprivation and shame and hating yourself into doing something, everybody would look exactly the way they wanted to.

Baylee:

Oh yeah.

Brianna:

A hundred percent.

Baylee:

Why is it so much easier to hate ourselves? Just be like, we got this girl.

Brianna:

I don't know. I don't know what it is. It's. I'm sure we could all go to therapy and figure that out, but, but that's our default. That's a hundred percent our default. Like you never meet someone who's like, yeah, I am so excited to go on my, to go for like, work out tomorrow. Like if you were to say that, people are like, why,

Baylee:

yeah.

Brianna:

why? I hate doing that. Yeah. Well, okay. We need to work on that.

Baylee:

Yeah. And that's how something that I can always tell, like when people are like, oh my gosh, you're just always moving. Like, it's like a weird thing. Like that's kind of the whole point. You should be always

Brianna:

good when I move. Yeah.

Baylee:

Yes. And it's never something that's like, oh, I have to walk some more. Oh, I gotta get these extra steps. And like, it's just a no brainer for me now just to keep moving.

Brianna:

It feels good. Like for me. Coming back from traveling. I'm like, thank goodness. I am looking forward to cooking. I am looking forward some fresh food. Like, yes, that is so foreign to some people, because again, you look at that as punishment.

Baylee:

Mm-hmm.

Brianna:

Yeah. That's

Baylee:

it your normal challenge, these beliefs you have. And remember, you don't have to earn the right to take care of yourself no matter what size you are.

Brianna:

No. You deserve it right now.

Baylee:

Mm-hmm. All right, everyone. The end, your shame, turn it to self respect.

Brianna:

Yes. I love that.

Baylee:

Have a great week and we hope these tips are helpful and we'll bye.

Brianna:

Hi.

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Baylee

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Brianna

Host